Words, especially yelled in anger, can be very damaging to a child’s self-confidence. The child probably already feels bad enough just from seeing the consequences of his or her behaviour. Our sons and daughters don’t need more guilt and self-doubt heaped upon their already wounded egos - Jack Canfield
When our mothers hold us in her arms for the first time as an infant, she will experience the full range of human emotions. Fear, anxiety, hate and love are often present. When a child is the same sex, a mother sees herself. A Mother‘s self-esteem will influence the outcomes of a daughter’s life - much more so, than what the mother actually wants for her daughter. Our mothers cannot give us a sense of self-esteem they do not possess and a mother’s opinion of herself, will be passed onto her daughter in subtle ways.
Beliefs about how a daughter is expected to conform in her role, are set long before she is born. Passing from one generation to the next, ideas about pregnancy, giving birth and raising a child are made up of the mother’s beliefs which are handed down through many generations.
We are not our mothers; though having come from her it may be at times hard to separate from her and break away from the role we are expected to follow. As adult daughters we are able to change the opinion we have of ourselves through having an awareness of what we learned as a child. As we change we can adapt and set in motion new ideas about our role as daughter. What went before us need not follow after us.
When we learn to step more fully into our personal power as an adult woman we are waking up to the fact we can change the conditions handed down to us and begin to live our lives the way we want to and on our terms. We are able to meet our own needs in the modern world and recognise the old ways are no longer appropriate for all mothers or daughters.
The absence of nurturing or validation as a child shapes a daughter’s identity and self-belief.
In my work I come across lots of similar examples where daughters have inherited limiting beliefs about themselves. Some of those limiting beliefs are shared here. What limiting beliefs do you identify with? :
I’m not acceptable as I am
It’s not safe for me to show my feelings
There is something wrong with me
I’m not lovable
I’m not good enough
I am responsible for my mother’s unhappiness
I am responsible for my mother’s happiness and well-being
People can’t be trusted
The world is a dangerous place
If you want to read more about limiting beliefs and how to change them as well as finding new ways t understand and transform the relationship with your mother you can do so right here