Our comfort zone includes all the things we are comfortable and familiar with - even if we don’t like them. When we are in this zone we take no risks, we are stagnating, we are not growing or evolving, we are just getting by. Our comfort zone operates as a self-protective mechanism and although we say we want positive change, we still stay in this zone. This can be compared to being trapped inside a cage, too frightened to move out of it, even if the cage door is open.
Consequently, the love we search for is slower to obtain, or there is no change at all if we stay stuck where we are. It’s as though this invisible comfort zone is made up of a million voices telling us why we shouldn’t, mustn’t, ought not to, daren’t, don’t want to do whatever it is we say we really want to do!
Are you staying in your comfort zone? Read on for further excepts from Mothers and Daughters: The guide to understanding and transforming the relationship with your mother
When something outside this zone appears scary, risky or dangerous our survival instincts kick in. Fear and excitement are similar emotions in the way we experience them. This means, we may be uncertain whether we are excited or frightened and so talk ourselves out of doing certain things. It is perfectly natural to feel apprehensive when trying new things but unless we take action, nothing will change.
Mistakes, or rather the fear of making them and not getting things 100% right, create a comfort zone. A comfort zone consists of mental conditioning which may not always be based on facts but has been made up from our perceptions and the meanings we have placed on things and people. If we feel we have taken risks before and those risks have not worked in our favour, we may be hesitant to take risks again, in case it all goes wrong.
Creating our own prisons
The truth is however that if we stay within the boundaries of the self-imposed walls we build up around ourselves, change won’t happen - we’ll be doing what we always did and getting the same results, feeling stuck, uncertain and afraid. By thinking and doing the same things, we get the same results.
Moving on from the past and creating the future of our dreams
So, it is time to join me and the hundreds of women I have worked with and form a united army moving on from the past and creating the future of our dreams. Focus on all the things which could go right and take those first steps towards achievement.
What we learn about life and the meaning we place on things ultimately shapes our character. I have known many daughters turn into a clown thinking they need to be the entertainer with a laugh and joke while underneath this facade they are crying. Instead of revealing who they are, they pretend to be someone they are not. They are afraid if they reveal the hurt parts of themselves, they will not be accepted.
I have known other daughters who become serious, controlled, unforgiving, harsh, sarcastic and punishing as a result of their early relationship experiences. Underneath is the fear of being manipulated or controlled by others and to avoid this, their mask is one of ‘don’t mess with me’. This stops the softer, more playful side of their personality coming out and in turn, can impact relationships because their behaviour is too regimented and confined.
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone - Neale Donald Walsch