Love - Are you getting enough?

Use the love and relationship inventory offered here for personal reflection and awareness about the relationships you have with significant others.

Mentally record or write down your answer YES or NO or True/Untrueand be aware of your emotional responses and memories which pop into your mind as you read through each question

I have a preconceived vision of love and relationships and how they ‘should’ be

Love needs to be a certain way for me to be happy

I offer love based on conditions

I believe love can only be experienced by receiving it from another

I think it is selfish to love myself. It is my mother’s (or another’s) responsibility to love me

I question and judge the actions of others instead of being in the flow of love

I spend time worrying I’m not getting enough love

I believe the past will repeat itself and I’m scared of getting hurt

I put love outside of myself rather than taking responsibility to give love to myself

I believe if I love someone, their love may be stolen or taken away from me

I believe I am unlovable or unworthy of love

I lose my self identity when I’m in a relationship

I fear being rejected in relationships

I expect love to be like one of the fairy tales I read as a child

I gain my self-worth and value through others’ validation of me

My sense of security is only present when I’m in a relationship

I am dependent on others for love

Other people have better relationships than me

I don’t know how to love myself

I end relationships before I have given them a chance to blossom

I sabotage my future hopes by not having a relationship and ‘playing safe’

I put other people’s feelings ahead of my own

I need to be loved to feel complete

I want to be close to someone, but I’m afraid of being vulnerable

It feels scary to open up to another person and be intimate

It feels safer to be out of a relationship than in one

I don’t know who I am outside of a relationship

My happiness depends on being in a relationship

My emotional wellbeing depends on another person’s validation of me

I feel like a ‘nobody’ unless somebody loves me

I am desperate to be loved

I will close off my love, unless I get 100% love back from the other person

When I don’t get what I want from a relationship, I feel cheated and let down

I try to change the people I am in a relationship with

When a relationship ends, I feel like a failure

When I’m by myself I don’t feel like a complete person

I feel empty and alone when I’m not in a loving relationship

I am preoccupied with negative relationships from the past

Without a relationship, my life would be empty and meaningless

I’m frightened of being alone for the rest of my life

I can’t stand on my own two feet without someone to lean on

If I’m in a relationship I’m on alert and expect things to go wrong

I have never got what I wanted from relationships

I look for evidence that I’m unlovable

When I’m in a love relationship, I look for all the flaws in my partner and the relationship itself

I cling to hopes and dreams of a relationship working out, even though I know it’s best for me to leave

I don’t seem to exist outside of a relationship

I go into relationships blindly, it’s better to be in one than alone

I feel alone and unhappy when I’m in a relationship

I look for signs my relationships will not work out

It feels unsafe for me to be totally myself and share all of myself in a relationship

I drift from relationship to relationship, I have never spent time alone

In relationships I become totally dependent on the other person to provide my happiness

I go into relationships for the wrong reasons

There must be something wrong with me if I’m not in a relationship

I constantly think about negative experiences in previous relationships

I feel like I can’t move on from negative relationships from the past

I put all my energy into my relationship and leave nothing for me

I’m afraid I will never be loved

I feel insignificant and worthless outside of a relationship

Life only has meaning if I’m in a relationship

I feel more real in a relationship

I need someone else to complete me

I feel incomplete or off-balance when I’m not in a relationship

I don’t trust anyone enough to share my feelings openly

I am afraid of being honest or assertive in relationships

I avoid having a relationship because I fear the physical or verbal violence they sometimes bring

I am afraid I will have to give up my family, career, hobbies etc if I have a relationship

I put my own needs last in a relationship

I find it hard to communicate my needs in a relationship

I don’t know who I am or what I want in a relationship

I put up with unacceptable behaviour and hope the other person will change

I hide who I am in a relationship, in case I am not accepted, disapproved of or rejected

Read through your answers. For every yes, reflect on where your beliefs come from, how old you were when you formed this belief, how does having this belief limit you in adulthood? What thoughts, actions, beliefs and behaviours can you alter to change your future outcomes.

If you'd like the book and paper based resource of the inventory go to Mothers and Daughters: The guide to understanding and transforming the relationship with you mother

Deeper work may be required for those of you who have marked mostly yes and it is recommended you find a reputable therapist to support you in understanding your behaviours and beliefs. Please contact me direct at for further help and support

#Love #Communication #Beliefs #UnconditionalLove #ConditionalLove #Fear #SelfWorth #Identity #Safety #SelfSabotage

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Wendy Fry Author of Mothers and Daughters & Find YOU, Find LOVE

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